Names


THERE IS A YOUNG LADY NAMED ROSE
WHO HAS MUSIC WHEREVER SHE GOES.
EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY
AT HER WORK, HOME AND PLAY,
HER WALKMAN KEEPS HER TAPPING HER TOES!!

I KNEW A YOUNG GIRL CALLED ELAINE
WHO SPENT HER EARLY YEARS IN DEEP PAIN.
"MY NAME IS OLD FASHIONED,
I WANT SOMETHING PASSIONED,
I WANT TO GET CHRISTENED AGAIN"

A STAGE STRUCK TEENAGER NAMED HUGH
TOOK NIGHT CLASSES TO LEARN SOME KUNG FU.
HE SAID "YOU WILL SEE
I'M A SECOND BRUCE LEE"
HIS PARENTS SAID "A SECOND BRUCE WHO?"

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED HOPE
WHO TRIED TO LOOK YOUNG USING SOAP.
WHEN HER SKIN LOOKED QUITE OLD,
SHE RECALLED WHAT SHE'D BEEN TOLD,
THAT HER BEAUTY WAS ONLY SKIN DOPE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG HIPPY NAMED TAMAR,
WHO SMOKED NOT CIGARETTES, BUT THE CIGAR.
HER FATHER, FROM CUBA
IN A BAND PLAYED THE TUBA
WHILST TAMAR LEARNED TO PLAY THE SITAR!!

MY FRIEND ALEXANDER McENSAY
ON A VISIT HIS WELCOME HE'D OUTSTAY!
HE WOULD EAT LIKE A HORSE,
ALWAYS OUR FOOD, OF COURSE,
WHEN LEAVING HE'D NEVER OFFER TO PAY.

IN THE COTTAGE HE WOULD SPEND ALL THE DAY,
HIS BAGPIPES FOR HOURS HE WOULD PLAY.
OUR CAT AND DOG HAVE LEFT HOME,
ROUND THE ISLAND TO ROAM,
THE GORDONS ARE NO LONGER GAY!!*
* The Gay Gordons" is a famous Scottish tune.

A YOUNG LADY NAMED MINNY COOPER
HAD LEARNT HOW TO SWEAR LIKE A TROOPER!
ON HER WAY HOME ONE NIGHT
SHE WAS INVOLVED IN A FIGHT
WHEN SHE GOT LOST IN A LONDON PEASOUPER!!*
* very thick London fog!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADDY NAMED BURTON
WHO IN SUMMER WOULD NOT PUT A SHIRT ON.
IN SUNSHINE,COLD OR RAIN
HE WOULD SUFFER THE PAIN
WHILST MEANDERING WITH HIS MUM'S SKIRT ON!.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED SANDY,
AT D.I.Y. WAS TERRIBLY HANDY.
IT IS SAD TO RELATE
SHE LOVED MILK CHOC-O-LATE,
TO KILL THE CALORIES SHE DRANK LOTS OF BRANDY.

THERE IS A YOUNG LADY NAMED PHOEBE
WHO DROVE LOOKING FOR A B AND B.
A STANDARD THAT SHE FOUND
WASN'T FIT FOR A HOUND,
IT WAS NOT EVEN GOOD FOR A FREEBIE!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED NERYS
WHO LIVED IN AN OLD-FASHIONED TERRACE.
WHEN THE FAIRGROUND'S IN TOWN
SHE WILL HURRY ON DOWN
HER FAVOURITE RIDE IS THE BIG WHEEL BY FERRIS.

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED UNA
THE ONLY GIRL ON A ROUND THE WORLD SCHOONER!
WITH HER VERY LOUD VOICE
SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY CHOICE,
SHE'S THE SKIPPER AS WELL AS A HONEYMOONER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED SKYE
WHO USUALLY NEEDED AN ALIBI.
WHEN SHE WENT INTO A STORE
SHE FORGOT TO PAY FOR
WHAT SHE BOUGHT. IF STOPPED SHE'D BREAK DOWN AND CRY!

A YOUNG COLLEEN FROM THE COUNTY OF CLARE
WHO WENT TO THE COMMON TOTALLY BARE.
SHE SAT IN THE STOCKS
RETAINING HER SOCKS,
WHEN ARRESTED SAID IT WAS A DARE.

THERE WAS A YOUNG GREEK NAMED ACHILLES,
WHO WAS BROUGHT UP IN LOS ANGELES.
HIS PARENTS SAID HE BUYS SOULS,
HE PLAYS AROUND WITH LIVE COALS,
HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED MEPHISTOPHELES!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED KITTY
WHO WAS THOUGHT BY HER FRIENDS TO BE PRETTY.
WHEN "MISS WORLD" WAS ANNOUNCED
TO ITS OFFICES SHE FLOUNCED,
THEY SAID SHE COULD NOT WIN HER CITY!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED HONOR
WHO GREW UP TO BE A PRIMA DONNA.
SHE WENT OFF TO LOUGH NESS
TO GET AWAY FROM THE PRESS.
SHE FELL IN: HONOR'S NOW A GONER!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED ROSE
WHO DRESSED UP IN THE FINEST OF CLOTHES.
SHE WAS UNREASONABLE
HER CLOTHES WERE UNSEASONABLE,
THE POOR GIRL TURNED BLUE AND ALMOST FROZE!

SHE WENT HOME AND SAT CLOSE TO THE FIRE,
HER SITUATION WAS EXCEEDINGLY DIRE.
THE ICE MELTED IN POOLS,
RUSTING HER FINEST JEWELS,
HER TEMPERATURE GREW STEADILY HIGHER.

A YOUNG CHINESE GIRL CALLED MAE WONG,
ASKED HERSELF WHY HER LIFE WENT ALL WRONG.
LIKE MADAME BUTTERFLY
LIFE WAS PASSING HER BY,
SHE ASKED PUCCINI TO WRITE HER A SONG!!

THE ARKRIGHTS HAD A DAUGHTER CALLED HANNAH
A DESIGNER OF THE FAMILY MANOR.
SHE BECAME AN ARCHITECT
'TIL SHE LOST HER RESPECT,
THEN RETIRED TO RE-START IN FERMANAGH.

I ONCE KNEW A MERMAID NAMED GRETA
WHO LOOKED VERY GOOD IN A SWEATER.
ALTHOUGH HER FIGURE LACKS
THE WHEREWITHALL TO WEAR SLACKS,
WITH HER VOICE SHE NOW PLAYS OPERETTA!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED CARLA
WHO ENTERTAINED HER YOUNG MEN IN THE PARLOUR.
WITHOUT MUM'S PERMISSION
IT STAYED INTERMISSION,
HER LAST FRIEND FLED TO GUATEMALA!!

HE ONCE HAD A GIRLFRIEND NAMED CAROL,
WHO WORE THE MOST GORGEOUS APPAREL.
HE TOOK HER TO THE MALL
TO SHOW HER OFF TO ALL,
HE'D FALLEN HARD---LOCK, STOCK AND BARREL!!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED ROSE
WHOSE LIFE WAS A PERPETUAL POSE.
SHE WAS TOLD BY HER DAD
SHE SHOULD NEVER BE BED,
BUT SHE WAS---FROM HER HEAD TO HER TOES!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL CALLED ELIZE,
WHO FREQUENTLY WANTED TO SNEEZE.
ONE DAY IN THE STREET
SHE SNEEZED HERSELF OFF HER FEET,
IN THE FALL SHE FRACTURED BOTH KNEES!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED PATTY,
WHO IS THOUGHT BY HER FRIENDS TO BE CATTY.
SHE THINKS THIS IS LEWD,
SO SHE EATS EXTRA FOOD,
HER NAMES NOW BEEN ALTERED TO FATTY!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY CALLED LYNN,
WHO PUT ALL THE BLOKES IN A SPIN.
AS A MATTER OF FACT
SHE HAD A NICE ACT,
SHE PLIED ALL HER SUITORS WITH GIN!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG FELLOW NAMED RHYS,
WHO DECIDED HIS LIFE WAS THE POLICE.
AT THE MEDICAL BOARD
ONE FACT HE IGNORED,
THEY TOLD HIM HE WAS FAR TOO OBESE.!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG CHAPPY NAMED EARL,
WHO LIVED ALL HIS LIFE IN A WHIRL.
HE LIVED IN THE FAST LANE,
HAD HIS OWN PRIVATE PLANE,
WITH A PILOT, AN EX BUNNY GIRL!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG TOMBOY NAMED AMY
WHO, WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG, SAID "DON'T BLAMY"
"I LEARNT FROM MY BROTHER
SO GO BLAME ANOTHER,
IF YOU WANT A REAL GIRL, THEN PLEASE TAMY"!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED SHIRLEY,
WHOSE HAIR WAS DECIDED CURLY.
IT HAD NEVER BEEN CUT,
IT REACHED DOWN TO HER B-T,
TO COMB IT SHE HAD TO RISE EARLY!!

IF YOU SIGN YOUR FULL NAME WITH AN 'X'
IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE AS TO YOUR SEX.
IF YOU CAN'T WRITE YOUR NAME,
DON'T FEEL FULL OF SHAME,
YOU WON'T NEED ANY SPECIAL EFFECTS!!

THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED SANDY,
WHOSE LEGS WERE NOTICEABLY BANDY.
FOR HOLDING A WHEEL
HER SHAPE WAS IDEAL,
HER LEGS CAME IN TERRIBLY HANDY!!

I ONCE KNEW A GIRL NAMED ELAINE,
WHEN WE MET SHE DID NAUGHT BUT COMPLAIN.
"I'M TOO HOT: I'M TOO COLD"
"HE'S TOO YOUNG: YOU'RE TOO OLD"
I DON'T LIKE GOING OUT IN THE RAIN"!!

A YOUNG AUSTRIAN LADY NAMED GERDA,
CAME FROM WORK YELLING "BLOODY MURDER".
SHE SAID "FROM THE SCAFFOLD
A WORKER LOST HER HOLD,
IT LOOKED LIKE A CASE OF ASIAN PURDAH!



THERE WAS A YOUNG LADY NAMED TUESDAY
WHO FOUND EVERY DAY WAS A "BLUES DAY"
SHE HAD A FEW UPSET WEEKS
HER FRIENDS THOUGHT HER A FREAK,
SHE TRIED TO CHANGE WAYS WITH A "BOOZE DAY".!

THERE WAS A YOUNG TOMBOY NAMED GINNY
WHOSE VOICE WAS QUITE SHRILL, LIKE A WHINNY
ON FOLK'S EARS IT JUST GRATES,
LIKE SLATE PENCILS ON SLATE.
ITS DESCRIPTION THAT WAS USED WAS JUST "TINNY"!!

Home | Customized Service | About Arthur | | Birthdays, Celebrations | Communications | Current Affairs | Education | English Language | Entertainment | Families, Children, Youth | Fashion, Design | Food & Drink | Geography, Weather | History | Law, Military, Space | Life & Death | Love, Marriage | Medical & Health | Miscellaneous | Money, Shopping | Names | Nature, Animals | Nursery Rhyms | Occupations | Religion | Sports, Hobbies | Travel, Vacations

Copyright © 2003 Arthur's Limericks. All rights reserved.